Chapter 16

Lights Out

Tuesday morning

It’s a beautiful morning and everything feels ordinary. I hope that lasts all day. Eppie had given me a lot to think about. All that information and her promise to help had made a huge difference; my worries were gone. For today I wanted a plain vanilla world; though as I chose that route I suspected it had some limitations. Not likely to offer anything exciting or visionary.

I wondered if I’d feel more in control of my mind if I knew about different ideas and beliefs. I do know the Abrahamic religions have similar ideas about an ultimate reality beyond everyday life, though each is explained by different literature and experiences. And I know there are many other ways to hold or experience the world in mind and heart; such as Buddhism, Hinduism, shamanism and others.

If I have no understanding of other ways; I might be missing something that could enrich my life, my ability to live in the world and cope with unusual events like those visions. I’ll always be limited. What if I studied lots of different views; then chose and accepted some aspects of each for my own unique, overarching view of reality? Could that be helpful or would it cause more confusion? I wonder if that’s worth consideration. Could changes in or loss of your normal base of reality lead to loss of sanity? Had to stop there, too weird.

Maybe it’s smarter to just accept my own culture and relax. Conditioned thought patterns and approved behavior does keep life simple and easy. Life might get messy any other way.

I didn’t know if visions were recognized by our culture as real or not. I’d had a vague worry they might cause me to lose touch with reality, but they hadn’t so far and now I thought they were gone. After Eppie explained everything; I realized she’s the only person I could ever talk to about something like that. Today, I was calm, no worries.

I left for work early, relieved to be back in my normal mindset. I was OK with waiting to be contacted. Then when I got to the office, that awful visit with the president last evening filled my mind. That was scarier than visions. Later today, I’d find out more from Roger. I didn’t have a single idea about how to approach the Digital World threat; and I kind of doubted that my ideas would matter anyway. If my input had been wanted, it would have been asked for before yesterday. It’s possible all I can do is accept the decisions made by those at the top. Dr. Beck must be under serious pressure.

What I know so far points toward an intention to close university libraries. I had no ideas for saving the libraries; but I did want to know more about the whole situation. I had two questions for Roger. Why has this proposal come up now? Why didn’t the president talk to me about any of it before yesterday?

It was unusual for Beck to tell me a decision had been made about the library before I knew anything of it. That made me think the decision was made at a much higher level, outside the university system and the board of higher education, which would mean it had been made by the legislature or the governor. That was my best guess at the moment. I know there are always many other high-cost needs in the state, or there could be a massive project on the horizon.

But I didn’t understand the urgency and secrecy. The AURL folks I talked to yesterday had no information. They knew as little about Digital World as I did. If there’s a wider movement to do away with libraries, it’s not well-known.

Last night I’d read everything on the Digital World website. Their claims are ambitious and would appeal to political leaders who needed new strategies to reduce budgets. They list all their services and digital databases and claim a state or city would no longer need to employ librarians. Well, it didn’t quite say that in black and white; but the idea is in their promotional tag lines.

“With Digital World you have an entire university library and staff at your fingertips!”

“Digital World wants to be your personal librarian for a fraction of the cost of a modern, well-staffed university library.” And at another tab there was another angle.

“Need a college degree? Is the cost of going to state university too high? Let Digital World help!” What? That looks like a university is next on their agenda. DWU, I suppose.

That made my head hurt as I realized they must plan to have their own accredited university sometime soon. I knew some of the faculty would be upset if the university had no library; but what if their jobs were threatened as well? This could be much bigger than I thought. Maybe a closed library was only the first step toward closure of an entire university.

Whoa, way too far-fetched. Besides, what would happen to the research and service functions of a university library? I’d better stop, this is crazy. I tried to let go of those thoughts; but they hung around in the back of my mind. If state universities were closed, I imagine legislators and governors would salivate over the money saved. But maybe the people wouldn’t like the idea; I wonder if the voters would have their say.

I had to quit thinking about Digital World, surely it’s just my imagination. I’ll find out what it all means this afternoon. I stopped and let it go. It was preposterous, way too far-fetched.

As the computer came on; I took a deep breath and leaned back in my chair, arms stretched outward and upward, at ease. Talking with Eppie had been fun, like old times; I pictured her still at home on the Kansas prairie. I’d always thought of that small town as a kind of intellectual desert. Maybe as a grown-up I could see the good side of it; Eppie could show me what’s going on there today and the up-to-date versions of our youthful haunts.

I’d begun to wonder about those days as a kid, being miserable might have been the best part. It gave me a reason to develop my own inner beliefs and strengths to escape what I thought could be a life of disappointment like my father endured. Then I’d pushed myself and worked hard to get a good education. I’m happy about the way everything turned out.

Now that I’m older and a little wiser, I’ve finally realized my father was the real hero in my life. A man of few words and no education, he had to struggle to make a living. I must have understood on some level that if I wanted more, I’d have to find my own way. Maybe that’s not unusual; maybe it’s what most everyone has to do to grow up.

With the visions and Digital World out of my head, I was relaxed and at peace. The library budget was done; there were only a few small problems to stay on top of, oh, and maybe my job would be threatened. Right now I didn’t care. I’ll worry when Roger tells me I need to. It’ll be interesting to find out what’s really going on; and maybe I’ll get to share my own thoughts on the future of university libraries.

Ready for a cup of coffee, I had only to follow my nose. In the lounge I stood by the coffee maker for a moment taking in the aroma, gazing at one small area of this grand library. I was relaxed, ready for anything. I filled my cup and left the lounge. As I came through the door, Charles was looking up at some books on the top shelf. Curious about what he was interested in, I stopped, took a sip and glanced upward.

Without a step stool, he stood on his toes and strained to reach a big, heavy book. He began to inch it out little by little as he tried to get a good grip. When it began to fall, he jerked it off the shelf. It flew through the air until it made contact with my head. My brain registered a sharp pain as the room went dark.

My coffee must have made a terrific mess.

 NEXT.....Chapter 17
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